Leaving a Career in Parish Ministry: Part 1
"I don't even know what else I can do..."
This is Part 1 in a series of posts about how I left my full-time career in parish ministry, and how doing so allowed me to minister to thousands of people all around the world.
I sat in the Associate Pastor’s office at Winnetka Presbyterian Church almost eight years ago. This was my second Associate Pastor’s office; I’d been at the church for a little over a year and a half…and I wasn’t happy.
I was on the phone with my spiritual director.
And I remember very clearly what I said: “I mean, I don’t even know what else I can do…other than being a pastor. That’s why I went to seminary, that’s what I’m trained to do…”
I was at a loss.
I was beginning to realize that I did not like being an Associate Pastor.
But ever since my senior year of high school, I thought I’d go into the ministry.
I was a Religion major from a small, liberal arts PC(USA)-affiliated college.
I’d graduated and worked at a church for two years. I spent my summers working at church camps. After that, I went to seminary and spent four years getting an M.Div. as well as an M.A. in Youth Ministry. I went through one hell of an ordination process—that has to be its own series of posts...someday—and I’d finally gotten ordained.
I had worked at three churches out of seminary…there were some wonderful people at each church, and each—naturally—had their issues, but that’s what I was supposed to do: parish ministry.
Looking back on how I felt while sitting in my round, blue IKEA chair…looking out at the cars passing along on Willow Road in Winnetka, Illinois, the wealthiest zip code I had ever worked in—honestly, it seems rather humorous right now.
But at the time, it was sincere. I felt like I was at a crossroads, and there were no good options in front of me. Apparently, I was just not very good at being an associate pastor. Somehow, my gifts weren't suited for parish ministry.
Somehow, I had so narrowed the aperture of what was possible for me—and for my understanding of God's call on my life—that I felt like I had failed. And that was that.
